oh that chelsea...

so i have recently re-discovered the comedy of chelsea handler. omg. i've been reading quotes from her blog on e! and cannot get over how freaking hilarious she is. i'm going to be investing in her book, "are you there vodka, it's me chelsea" as soon as payday comes and as soon as i can venture to a target. no barnes & noble for this girl. why should i spend too much money on a BOOK...i don't read.



some of my fav quotes: Askmen.com says Chicago is the best city for men to live in. Loads of beef, beer and chubby girls, who could ask for anything more? I guess the best place for women to live is Alaska. According to Men in Trees, Northern Exposure and Bristol Palin’s sex life, it’s a great place to meet men. The weather is cold, so you can hide your Taco Bell weight with layers, and there are lots of moose there, who are known to be sensitive lovers.

John Mayer is rumored to be dating a waitress. That’s an insult to Jennifer Aniston. You can’t go from Aniston to a waitress. If my lover ever decides to move on, he’s only got two options: suicide or Oprah."

"Jon and Kate released a statement that they will no longer be releasing statements about their marriage troubles. Go ahead. I can speculate about your lives all I want. I don't need you to tell me what's going on behind the scenes of Jon & Kate Plus 8. At the end of the day, I know what I need to know. Kate's still got a sh---y haircut and Jon's still Asian." - - Chelsea Handler

A head’s up to anyone who missed the recent announcement on the show. We are officially referring to the Spencer-Pratt nightmares as Herpe Simplex 1 (Spencer) and Herpe Simplex 2 (Heidi), because they just won’t go away. If anybody wants to discuss them with me, I will only listen when they are referred to in this manner.

Paula Abdul has everybody talking since she said that she’s “not sure” she is returning to American Idol next season. Calm down, people, this isn’t as big of a deal as you’re making it out to be. She probably just doesn’t remember. I don’t even think she’s sure that she was on it last season.
In a recent interview, Jessica Biel complained that she can’t get good movie roles because she is too beautiful. I encountered similar obstacles along my path, and I would like to say to Jessica: Keep your head high and your standards low, and one day maybe you, too, can end up on the E Network.